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Would You Still Be a Surrogate/ED if Comp Wasn't Allowed (please read entire post)
Therefore, with all the discussion about compensated surrogacy and compensated E/D would you still be a surrogate if comp was not allowed. This is for those that are allowed to receive comp due to demographics? I know it is illegal in some areas already.
FTR- I have only gathered bits and pieces from others that there is a debate on being compensated. I do not know the whole story and don’t feel like researching but would love to hear others POV's. Please do not feel ashamed, or embarrassed to post your true feelings. As, I said before NO one will share the same feeling about surrogacy as you, there will always be a variation of feelings depending on the subject.
If you would, I would appreciate to hear the reasons why and if you would not I would appreciate to hear those reasons too...
FTR- I have only gathered bits and pieces from others that there is a debate on being compensated. I do not know the whole story and don’t feel like researching but would love to hear others POV's. Please do not feel ashamed, or embarrassed to post your true feelings. As, I said before NO one will share the same feeling about surrogacy as you, there will always be a variation of feelings depending on the subject.
If you would, I would appreciate to hear the reasons why and if you would not I would appreciate to hear those reasons too...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cara on -
Please, no more of these threads. We just agreed to lay this whole issue to rest after weeks of this topic being debated. Many stated their POV's over and over and if you are interested in them, perhaps you should look back at past threads. They are very numerous here. I really would hate for all this to keep going on and on and on, causing others to leave the site, as I have been tempted to do many times. Only recently did I come out of lurkdom here (after being active 1-2yrs ago) once this debate was laid to rest, because for weeks it caused alot of negativity and overshadowed everyones positive posts on transfers and pregnancies.
It really is a personal issue left up to the surrogate and her IP's and their situation.
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Permalink Reply by 4 chayrez on -
Wow, I am sorry. I had no idea that it was that much of a heated discussion. I guess it’s funny how you can visit different sites and have more open communication than others. I just look at it as a learning experience for all sides. I am fairly new to this site but not surrogacy and this is a topic that is seen/discussed/and IMO you can learn from. Whether posters agree or disagree, does not make the matter disappear but can be informational to others who are considering no comp vs. compensated.
Very sorry for your pain.
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Permalink Reply by Cara on
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I have no problems with open communication, but when ppl start judging, name calling, offending, and hurting others feelings, as is what happened when this topic drug on for weeks and weeks with the same ppl saying the same things, then yes, it is time to agree to disagree and let it go. I am not in pain, I am very fulfilled in my current surro pregnancy. I just think it is beyond pointless to keep bringing it up, and if you are that interested, go back and read for yourself, as this issue has gotten to be a very OLD one on this website. I guess I will just stick to my board that is nothing but supportive of ppls journeys regardless of what is in their contracts with their IPs.
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Permalink Reply by 4 chayrez on
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Cara thanks for the response but I really had no idea this has been such a heated topic and my intentions were never to hurt anyone. I had just seen a few posts where others debated and posted the question. My intentions were not to stir up drama but give an insight to the question and quite honestly, it is a personal preference with no right or wrong answer.
I am starting to feel that if you cross into a subject that isn’t tolerated your are doomed. I have been an active poster in the surro community for a few years and I would say I think you are the first person who has made me feel like I am trying to stir the pot here. Best of luck in your journey and I think its great that your site is completely supportive.
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Permalink Reply by Cara on
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In no way did I accuse you of starting drama. I too have been in this community for a few years and see no problems with debating and sharing different POVs. I honestly was just trying to tell you (esp since you admit to being new to this site) that this is not a NEW topic here, it is in fact one that holds alot of bad memories and hurt feelings for many members here. I remained silent during most of the debate for weeks, but am just to the point that I would rather leave here than see another discussion on this topic (since it does stir up name calling and judgements thrown, etc). It is also not very far back in the archive if you really wish to research everyones views on it, a much simpler solution than to bring it all to the surface again. If you would rather tho, I will just give the same short answer as the others and hope this thread doesnt explode like those in the past. Perhaps since most are tired of discussing this, it will just die away. Shrugs, I just couldnt keep quiet any longer since I would really rather not leave this forum.
happy reading!! If you need any more links I'd be happy to find them for you, since this topic infiltrated nearly EVERY discussion/blog for weeks, its not hard to find them.
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/compensated-v-altruistic
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/definition-of-gift-and
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/commercial-surrogacy-ok...
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/uk-surrogates-reciepted
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/lets-turn-the-page
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/uk-egg-donation-us-egg
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/disadvantages-of-being-an
http://www.surrogatemother.com/forum/topics/my-opinion-on-advertising
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Permalink Reply by 4 chayrez on
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Thanks, I had a chance to look at them and I can see how they are mainly divided between here and the UK. I do not know if you post on SMO but I have been there for a few years and you would not believe the discussions that arise. This site caters to a lot of newbies and honestly more discussions need to be brought forward because that’s how we learn. In light of this thread, some good could come out of it due to other scenarios that have been brought forward with non-compensated journeys. One in particular is for the Kent's and baby Hailey. If you are active on SMO you would know the story and its touching. I personally know the Surro and she is amazing and I give her the upmost respect for what she is doing as a surro. Stories like those are what is touching and that brings me to my thread and discussions.
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Permalink Reply by Cara on
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I have my own small board that I have been hosting for over a year now (that does not match/have ads therefore adheres to a different atmosphere than most) since my own journey has been active, but have lurked on SMO and AAS for the past 2.5yrs. I am familiar with the Kent's story (it was also brought to light here since we do have surros here that often link to posts from the bigger boards) and I follow their surro's blog. Yes I agree that alot can be learned on the boards and I have become a walking dictionary for my friends and family. Needless to say, this particular issue on this particular board has become like a dead horse that keeps getting beat. My intentions of bringing this to your attention were just as good as Im sure yours were in starting this thread. Lurkdom does seem to be my best option, as Im sure I should have just kept my mouth shut and waited to see what would happen with this thread. Chalk it up to hormones. Seriously, no hard feelings on my end.
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Permalink Reply by 4 chayrez on
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Thanks Cara and no hard feelings here. As a matter of fact, I am on cloud nine right now with my first BFP. But thanks for the POV and again I am glad we are all here though to help eachother.
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Permalink Reply by Dave aka Deeds on -
I wanted to tell you 4 Chayrez that I Have read everything up to this point of this discussion and I wanted to thank you for being bold and putting out there what your viewpoints are. Your question is a valid one regardless of whether or not it stirs drama or not.
Also, this message is for Cara. I understand your hostility and I also understand that there are many surrogates on this website who are sick of the drama, fighting, and bickering, but at the same time I feel everyone is entitled to ask the questions that they feel they want to ask. It is too much censorship to not allow a certain aspect of surrogacy to be spoken about. I will constantly be an advocate of this site who believes in the fact that this is a topic that needs to be discussed for the simple fact that there are many IP's out there who NEED a surrogate who will charge a low or NO Comp. Not everyone can afford 20,000 or 15,000. Some people can't even afford 5,000, especially when you factor in the travel expenses and basic necessities such as insurance to take care of your surrogate.
The bottom line is we live in an age where money is scarce and hard to come by, and MANY MANY IP's desire the help and assistance of a surrogate and do not have the means of affording one. And I Hope I do not hear anyone on this website say "well if someone can't afford a surrogate than they sure as hell can't afford to be a parent", because each and everyone of us know that statement is entirely false. It takes a stable environment and a strong kind nature and a love of kids, and a supportive family and a mom and dad who give a rats ass to raise kids in today's society, not a lot of money!
Please do not let anyone discourage you 4 Chayrez for standing up for this.
Yes this issue will cause drama, yes this issue will cause feelings to be hurt, yes this issue will be debated, and yes this issue will not go away! I don't care what website you are on, this issue will be talked about and you said it yourself 4 Chayrez..that this issue is talked about on other websites. And good!, So what if it causes drama, at least we will find out who is about the drama, and who is genuine.
This issue is needed for all those IP's who cannot afford compensated surrogacy. They are the ones that have tears in the eyes because they do not have the capabilities of becoming parents. WE HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR 3 years, I know! It brings tears to my eyes when I think about not having the joy of being a parent!
Lets just all grow up and realize that just because an issue is dramatic for us, or we don't want to hear it doesn't mean that there aren't others who need someone with a voice and an opinion like 4 Chayrez does.
I have nothing but respect for you 4 Chayrez. Your voice should not be silenced!
I also wanted to add that life is full of Drama and controversy, life is full of people who don't see eye to eye.
You will not find perfection in this world, and in a perfect world we all get a long, but Newsflash, this world is far from perfect and so many of us have hardships that are sometimes unbearable, and for a person who has a hardship of not being able to become a parent, the pain is like a Knife. I know because my partner and I are living through it!
Us IP's who can't afford much for a surrogate owe it to those who talk about this issue!
And...we are a website now with 3300 plus members strong and growing every day and I find it surprising to think that someone can think that with this many members that certain issue can be silenced. This issue is a valid one for IP's and for the surrogates who are debating between comp or low comp vs no comp, and therefore since the issue is valid it will exist! We have a large amount of members and a large amount of viewpoints here, And it all stems to the fact that...
Just because you can't afford a surrogate doesn't mean you can't be a parent! Again, there is a need for low or now compensated surrogates. My point stated!
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Permalink Reply by Dreams-Matched & Preggy on -
well said dave ,as always straight to the point and if it offends some,then so be it...
ths is a subject thats exploring from both sides,but having oodles of money does not make you a better parent..in fact,from what ive seen over the years,it causes more trouble as you end up with a spoilt horrible brat who doesnt know that unconditional love is free.
we will get there dave,just keep strange as im sure our real angel is out there somewhere,just waiting to help
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Permalink Reply by Nounou Prénatale on -
I must say I agree with with Dave, I have found that upon arrival on this website that the subjects that caused controversy were those whose answers interested me the most. I realize that for people who have been here a while that some of the subjects probably come up on a regular basis, but that's the way forum's and websites work. My reaction is that if someone doesn't want to hear it again, that they simply don't read or follow the post ! Instead of just saying that the subject has already been covered, it would be better to post the links to the subjects... it would avoid hours of reading to find the rights posts for the person having asked the question (as Dave mentioned: with 3 300 members,that's alot of reading !).
Now to answer the question, yes if I could afford it (though it is not the case at the moment) and if I really hit it off with the IP's, I would consider no compensation. Who knows, maybe one day !?
My best wishes to all the IP's and surrogates out there xxxx
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