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Would You Still Be a Surrogate/ED if Comp Wasn't Allowed (please read entire post)
Therefore, with all the discussion about compensated surrogacy and compensated E/D would you still be a surrogate if comp was not allowed. This is for those that are allowed to receive comp due to demographics? I know it is illegal in some areas already.
FTR- I have only gathered bits and pieces from others that there is a debate on being compensated. I do not know the whole story and don’t feel like researching but would love to hear others POV's. Please do not feel ashamed, or embarrassed to post your true feelings. As, I said before NO one will share the same feeling about surrogacy as you, there will always be a variation of feelings depending on the subject.
If you would, I would appreciate to hear the reasons why and if you would not I would appreciate to hear those reasons too...
FTR- I have only gathered bits and pieces from others that there is a debate on being compensated. I do not know the whole story and don’t feel like researching but would love to hear others POV's. Please do not feel ashamed, or embarrassed to post your true feelings. As, I said before NO one will share the same feeling about surrogacy as you, there will always be a variation of feelings depending on the subject.
If you would, I would appreciate to hear the reasons why and if you would not I would appreciate to hear those reasons too...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by 4 chayrez on -
You said it perfectly. I wholeheartedly agree with your response and thank you for responding from a man's point of view. More so, you are amazing with alot of knowledge regarding surrogacy and right that moeny doesnt make you a good parent.
Thank you again and many blessings to you. I hope you are able to have your family and soon especially so your mom can meet her grandchild.
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Permalink Reply by Dave aka Deeds on -
These threads are necessary because this is a voice that is needed for IP's who do not have large amounts of money for this process, but yet have a strong desire to become parents and good capabilities of being such. With 3300 + members, there are literally Hundreds of them who need guidance on this issue. Whether the issue causes drama or not, the issue is valid therefore it comes up.
Much Respect for you (both Cara and 4 Chayrez), and if you have any questions don't hesitate to keep in touch.
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Permalink Reply by 4 chayrez on
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I would and would not. I would ONLY do a NO compensated surrogacy if the IP's/IF's were a close family/friend. What I mean is someone who I did not meet through an ad or match through an agency. I am not saying these people cannot become your family but I am generally speaking of family already or long time friends.
I wouldn’t for a complete stranger who I met through an ad or agency because the compensation whether it’s NOT THE ACTUAL BASE FEE but the life insurance, screenings, medical fees, all the other items I couldn’t possibly afford out of pocket to do the surrogacy for free. Now if the IP's were willing to pay for all of that in which you would think that it should be included (minus the base) then that would be an option. I could accept being a surrogate for no base fee but I would still need items covered because I COULDNT POSSIBLY handle all of it without some type of assistance with costs.
In reality, I would think IP's would be more than complying to pay the additional fees (less the base fee). But HONESTLY IMO they would have to be a very special part of our lives because its not just me but my entire family (husband, children, parents, friends) who is involved and support me in the surrogacy process and the base fee could possibly be a buffer should situations occur (termination of employment due to surrogacy or unforeseen layoffs, loss of medical insurance, etc.)
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Permalink Reply by Alison on -
For certain strangers, yes. For family/friends, yes. I say "certain strangers" because there have been PIPs I've come across that I'd do it for for no comp. There isn't any one reason, but a feeling I get that I can't really explain.
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Permalink Reply by Ricki-Lee Mangham on -
I would if I didn't have five children of my own that relay on me.
Thanks for the post seems I've been holding on to that forever!
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Permalink Reply by Sara K-W on -
In canada compensation is actually against the law, and I went into this knowing that. We can be reimbursed pregnancy related expenses only. I know that there are many people that find a legal way around this here, but still it's against the law.
for family or friends i'd do this in a heartbeat (but they would still have to pay the medical fees for transfers etc.)I'd even pay for all my own legal fees, and stuff like that, as long as I was in a good place to do so.
for strangers, I would do this for the right couple, but again they would have to pay the medical expenses since I'm only prepared to be a GS which would require IVF. If I won the lottery, maybe I'd think differently on that, but right now, It's not in my budget.
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Permalink Reply by GinaF on -
I've done a non-comp surrogacy for a family member. I would not for strangers I met through an agency or an ad.
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Permalink Reply by lulu on -
I guess what I am planning on is sort of both but all completely related? All med costs (hopefully just a midwife and doula - I have insurance but it doesn't cover homebirth!) ,clothing, equipment, legal fees, etc. (anything to do with getting and being pregnant and surro process). A few pre-natal massages toward the end, as well. However, i will be living with them and they will cover food & lodging for the duration of the process. I also requested assistance with employment (they are friends and have lots of great connections) and they would have to make my car payment, insurance, & student loan until I am working and if I am put on bed rest and during recovery from birth.
I want this to be a win/win for all of us and want us all to come away independent and stable - with our basic needs met. I also plan on supplying breastmilk for at least 3 months and expect them to help cover part of my rent during this period. This is a huge thing to do for someone and if they can support me in whatever ways I need support to enable me to do this, I think it is completely justified. Just as a partner would normally do for you if you were pregnant with their child. I did request a special vacation for us all - including my children. I think this would be a great way to celebrate (at around 4 mo) and bond. Would I accept a gift from them or their parents? Yes! I'd love to have my car paid off. Do I expect it or am I comfortable asking for it? Not exactly. I don't know if they could afford it and I don't want to take money away from my birth child's parents. I am very new to all of this so I would be curious to know how common this type of set up/compensation is?
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Permalink Reply by GinaF on
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This is not common. Even a no-comp surrogacy should have the costs and expenses covered by the IPs. Living with them is not common and might even be a recipe for disaster, even if you are longtime friends.
I have another concern with something in your post. It sounds like you are talking about an adoption and not a surrogacy. That is two entirely different things and most women who have given up a child for adoption and have gone on to become surrogates will tell you so. It can be a touchy subject and the emotions are very different.
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on -
What I did find interesting and prudent in Lulu's post was, "Just as a partner normally would do for you if you were pregnant with their child." This, to me, is soooo simple, but incredibly accurate.
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