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My opinion on advertising yourself as "free"
I have done a surrogacy for no fees. I see many are advertising the same, wanting to do a surrogacy for little or no money. Which I personally think is fine.
In my opinion, though, flauting the no cost of it all, may lead to people you don't really want to work with wasting your time. In my experience it's better to not state that you don't want a fee initially, but let it come up once you have found someone you like and want to get to know better. I think you can get rid of a lot of weirdoes that way ...
In my opinion, though, flauting the no cost of it all, may lead to people you don't really want to work with wasting your time. In my experience it's better to not state that you don't want a fee initially, but let it come up once you have found someone you like and want to get to know better. I think you can get rid of a lot of weirdoes that way ...
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Steph on -
I agree with you on this. The same thing goes w/listing fees right off the bat. I think the compensation should be something that would come up later, unless a persons fees are totally inflexible. Then I guess it would be worth mentioning up front so you don't waste anyones time who just can't afford it no matter what.
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Permalink Reply by ButterflyGA on -
I agree with you. You open yourself up to a lot of unsavory characters.
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Permalink Reply by Moonrocket on -
For me, free is for the IP's to have as little expenses as possible, but for me not to be out of money either. Depending on country, the actual cost will vary.
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Permalink Reply by Jen on -
I think if someone is doing it for free, most people (but NOT all) are not going to do as good of a job. If you aren't getting paid, I think many people would end up feeling like they are being taken advantage of. Being pregnant is a lot of hard work. You're going to be uncomfortable for months. You're going to be in serious pain for hours. You're going to go to countless doctors appointments. You're going to start by taking a lot of medications, which may make you feel crazy. You're going to miss days of work, and even if you are a stay at home mommy (which I do part-time), you're going to have days where just taking care of your children is going to be very, very hard. If you're being paid appropriately, it's for your hard work, dedication, and care, not for the child.
I'm getting paid for mine. Definitely. I work outdoors with horses, so I will miss a lot of work. I'm not going to be able to handle the extreme heat this summer. That's okay. I'm also going to be able to pay off most of our debts so that we can buy a house. That's REALLY okay. I will also take special care to keep myself safe, the child safe, to eat very healthy, to educate myself, to attend all doctors appointments, and I won't feel dragged down or taken advantage of, because I'm getting paid for all the inconveniences. I'm worth the money. I'm a fantastically healthy woman who'll carry a very healthy, fantastic child. I'm stable, I'm responsible. I've passed the background checks, the psychological checks, the health checks.
I love surrogacy. I love the ideas behind it, I love the reality. For some, though, the reality may be that you cannot afford surrogacy. It's sad, but true. If it's not a reality in your life, there are thousands of children waiting to have a family through adoption, and it would cost many thousands less.
Anyway. I just had to add my two cents.
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Permalink Reply by Moonrocket on
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That is just as insolent as if I were to say that only surrogates that do it for free are true altruistisc surrogates and the rest are paid "prostitutes".
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Permalink Reply by Jen on
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My sister cannot have children.
And though you get time off work, you don't get paid for it. Unless you have earned vacation time. Since I own my own business, if I'm not working I'm not getting paid, period. If you are not a full-time person working in a great job, you are not going to get much for maternity leave, and most businesses don't pay you for it, they just allow you to take the time off.
And I definitely never said I was a "true altruistic." I am most certainly not. I believe everyone should have what they have earned in life.
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Permalink Reply by Sarah on -
You're lucky if your insurance covers it-mine does not cover surrogacy, so the couple has to buy me supplamental insurance-not free!
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on -
Tiffany,
Doing an altruistic pregnancy is admirable and a very noble endeavor, but I wanted to point a few things out just to consider...
The idea behind a comped journey is to make sure that "nothing comes out" of your babies' mouths. Every pregnancy is different. Conceivably, this could be your last; losing your reproductive abilities is a possibility.Morning sickness so bad you cannot function and work? You could be confined to bed rest for a prolong period of time,unable to do some of the most basic tasks. You may have limited ability to hold and cuddle your family. Ultimately, some horrible turns and twists in this journey could result in you having to accept welfare yourself!
Mentioning this is not to deter you from giving an incredible gift, I just suspect you need to evaluate the risks and "what ifs" that could be very real to your family.
Best of luck,
Melissa
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on
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Can you please explain "People should not profit from this." I am curious as to why this should be "illegal".
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on
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There are very few SMs that do this strictly for the money; there are much more lucrative and less time consuming and risky means of coming up with the average comp. I hate to bring it up, but its been calculated that a surro journeys "wage" amounts to far less than minimum wage.
I am happy to accept my comp. I also know that my IPs are happy to pay it. (They are middle class Canadians.) Why? Because we are helping each other. I will help them add to their family and they will help me ensure that my family (their child's half siblings) are well taken care of too.
Its a symbiotic relationship.
Noone is forcing IPs to pay a SM. If you took away the comp, the "supply" of SMs would dwindle tremendously. Why? If you ask around, you'll probably find that the SM pool would diminish because DHs and SOs would be less inclined to agree to their DWs tying herself up for more than 10 months to help another family.
I am genuinely sorry to hear about you SIL. Its women like this that prompt so many of us to even consider a journey.
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on
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It also occurred to me after reading some other people's posts in other threads that "comp" may be significant to the journey as a whole.
With the exchange of money, there are specific things that are required of me. I have a responsibility to ensure that the terms of our contract are carried out in full. And, my IPs are in a position to DEMAND that I adhere to my end of the "deal". Had this been an altruistic journey, where would be the parity?
Would it matter if I was doing this 100% for the money, if I ensured the healthy conception, pregnancy and delivery of my IPs child?
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