Surrogate Motherhood - The best surrogate mothers community
Is it hard?
Being a traditional surrogate for 10 months and then having to give the baby up? I would like to hear people's stories.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Andrea C. on -
I think it's all a matter of your mentality going into it. You have to go into it knowing that it's not your baby. By agreeing to be a TS you are giving someone your egg and then carrying it for them. I am 24 wks pg as a TS and I think of this baby as a nephew, not a son. Of course you're going to have a bond with this baby that you're carrying for 9 mths, but it's not a maternal bond. So it primarily boils down to having the right outlook on the situation from the beginning. I also think that it's going to make things easier to maintain a relationship and get updates on how the baby and family are doing.
-
Permalink Reply by Natasha N Burak on -
I think that is a great view on the whole situation. Thank you for sharing :-) Do you think that you will want to see the baby and hold it..etc.. after delivery??
-
Permalink Reply by Andrea C. on
-
Oh ya definitely, we are going to spend the first week or so together to make sure my milk comes in well b/c I'm going to be pumping and shipping it to my IF. I'm also going to be helping my IF get adjusted to having another baby. Of course it's going to be a little new for me as well b/c I have 2 girls so I've never taken care of a newborn boy, just older boy babies when I worked at a daycare. Lol. We're very excited!
-
Permalink Reply by Melissa Mae Moore on -
you sound like you will do great i wish you tons of luck :)
-
Permalink Reply by TS*SurroMommy on -
I totally agree with Andrea - it's all how you mentally go into the situation. I was 100% ready and mentally prepared to be a TS. It was something I had thought about for a year before I actually was a surrogate. I delivered my surro-baby girl this week, and I can honestly say I have the same feelings that I thought I would have when I delivered her. I do love her dearly, but not in the same way that I love my son. I cared for her while birthing her, and then holding and feeding her and rocking her to sleep before my IP's could make it there to be with her. But there is just something about when it is your OWN child. The experience is totally different. My surro-children are ones that I am almost 'babysitting' so to speak. I am doing all of this for someone else, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's nice to see how much love they have for her. I guess, it's really hard to explain in words. I would do anything for my surro-baby, and I would do anything to help my IP's if they needed it. But I'm more of an "aunt" figure, and have the same kind of feelings for my surrobaby as I would for a nephew or niece. :)
-
Permalink Reply by Rachele Bartlett on -
Nope. Not for me anyway. I place absolutely no value on my DNA, and completely feel that the baby concieved in a TS situation is rightfully that of the IP's. I see myself as first an egg donor. In the contracting stage, I agree that any egg that matures during our TTC phase will be donated to their cause. Therefore, the egg is already theirs before the baby is made. It is through their love and devotion to creating a family that their child comes into existance, I am merely a vessel. I enjoy the entire pregnancy, admiring the amazing process of creation and growth that my body can facilitate, but I do not dream of holding a baby at the end. I fantasize about that magical moment when the parents see their newborn child for the first time. Because my expectations are not the same as those of the pregnancies with my own children, there is no maternal bond. When my surro-bub entered the world, I did not feel an instant connection to him. I let his parents introduce us formally, and I was given a few moments to become his friend. I was a little sad that the journey was ending, but that was outweighed by the immense joy of reaching our common goal. I never missed him during the recovery period. I was relieved to go home without the responsibility of a baby. I wanted to focus on me, and my own recovery. I was out with friends and back into the swing of my life within three days of giving birth. By my third week postpartum, I was at an amusment park on rollercoasters. I almost forgot I was pregnant just a few short weeks prior. Holding him six months later, I felt like I was holding one of my nephews or a grandchild. I could see myself in him, but not in a maternal way. It was beautiful, wonderful, and I never felt the slightest tinge of pain or loss.
© 2010 Created by Tracy.
