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Have I Got A Deal For You!
As I was doing my weekly Internet browse of the surrogacy world, I ran across a surrogacy website/advertisement targeting women who have no physical limitations to prevent them from having babies. Specifically, it pointed out that it is a great idea to have a baby via surrogacy to avoid job-related complications, to eliminate the physical discomfort of pregnancy, and to maintain one's sleek figure. The words "Have we got a deal for you!" was even used. I was a little shocked to be honest. I don't have any problem with the idea of surrogacy in the least, but the wording and blunt commercialism of this site threw me off. Am I being too old fashioned that this site shocked me? I thought for a minute that I was being sold a ped-egg or a sham-wow or something...
So, two parts to this one:
-Was the line crossed?
-Is it okay for people to have a baby via surrogacy just to keep a trim figure and a busy career afloat?
(And thank you all for your patience with my Internet issues this week. I was reading your messages and posts, but was too impatient to actually post much using an iphone...my fingers were not cooperating!)
Ivory
So, two parts to this one:
-Was the line crossed?
-Is it okay for people to have a baby via surrogacy just to keep a trim figure and a busy career afloat?
(And thank you all for your patience with my Internet issues this week. I was reading your messages and posts, but was too impatient to actually post much using an iphone...my fingers were not cooperating!)
Ivory
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by lisa Bames on -
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/infertility_fights_congress/inde...
Please take the time!
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Permalink Reply by Mrs. Moss on -
I'm new to the site and have to say that I'm currently a bit wary continuing on here based on this conversation. It seems extraordinarily ugly and not in keeping with what I thought I'd view when reading the thoughts and comments of women who are genuine nurturers.
If this is what I'm in for while considering independent surrogates...it upsets me.
Greatly. *sigh*
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Permalink Reply by Krysten Reed on -
Mrs. Moss,
I'm sorry to tell you this, but i dont think your ready for surrogacy and should perhaps keep your opinions to yourself! Your too rude and blunt and are NOT looking for answers. You have made a few people upset and should look elsewhere....
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Permalink Reply by Mrs. Moss on
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Um...Ms. Reed...I'm going to request that you not attempt to tell me what I should or should not do. Especially when you are not using the word YOUR correctly. Some of you guys seem to be a bit too mean to each other and I just don't really understand where that comes from.
That said, again, don't attempt to tell me what I should or should not do. Ever. And I shall do the same.
Thank you in advance for your compliance. Good day.
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Permalink Reply by Cara on -
I have not read the website in question so dont have much to comment on that.
I think this issue comes more into play for celebrities with the money to spend on IVF/surrogacy and their careers that might possibly be held back due to a pregnancy. While I doubt all the celebrities in the news recently (SJP) may have chosen surrogacy for this reason, I think the average American would not be able to go through the cost of IVF just to save them some inconveniences. I do think it comes down to the couple and surrogate invovled as far as the reasons behind the journey. It personally would not be my first choice when searching for IPs. I think it is a rather sad reason, but like others have said, it may need to be considered case by case.
Some made reference to nannys. My IPs have a live-in au pair for their daughter and it works perfectly for their lifestyle since they both are very career oriented. After staying in their home numerous times, I can see that my IPs LOVE their daughter (who IM carried herself) and spend as much time with her as they can, and the au pair is treated like another member of the family. It allows them to be flexible with their schedule while knowing their daughter gets one-on-one attention, and allows the exchange student the ability to study in America and learn from her 2yr experiences with them. Medical reasons keeps my IM from carrying again, but never have I doubted her ability to be a wonderful mother simply because they have live-in daycare.
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Permalink Reply by Jenn on -
It is called Social Surrogacy.
I won't speak to the ethical lines being crossed here. I have to say that as long as it is between consenting adults and the surrogate is completely informed of the situation and is willing to move forward then I won't speak against it.
However, I will say that I am disgusted at the way it objectified surrogates. Here is a quote from the site:
Just supply your genetic material (sperm and egg), fertility specialists will add the IVF technology, and get connected with a woman who, for a basic fee upwards of $18,000 (not including the extras, lawyers, etc.), will agree to go through gestational surrogacy, carrying your biological child. She will go through the morning sickness, get the swollen ankles and stretch marks, and give birth - to your child
So, in essence, use the shell that is the surrogate to become sociatably unattractive (stretch marks, swollen ankles) and endure the morning sickness while you work your stomach on the ab lounger then take time to read the newest edition of the New York Times.
I must agree with Ivory that after reading the comments of this website I felt like I was being sold a sham wow.
Also, I feel like they're saying women who have had children are not desirable and that is for the lower class to endure, not you lovely higher class ladies.
Part of the bonding process with your child is the pregnancy. Now, I do believe that those who are not able to carry a baby have longed and cried and prayed for one so long and hard that they don't need the bonding of pregnancy because they've already bonded with their baby through sheer hope and love of wanting a baby so bad.
I cannot help but to think that someone so shallow as to not want to ruin her figure could sincerely be deep about a whole lot of things... including her marriage or her relationship with the baby. That is my own personal speculation though and cannot attach that speculation to every situation.
Now, with all of that said would I carry for someone who did not want pregnancy to get in the way of their lives? I wouldn't say no because it would have to depend on the person and the situation. I would almost bet money though, that I would not feel the same sense of gratification of knowing that I helped someone who COULDN'T have a baby without the help of a surrogate. With a couple who couldn't carry their own child their thanks and gratitude toward their surrogate would be insurmountable and expressed over and over again. With surrogacy as an alternative to inconvenience, however, I would most likely feel like I were a used piece of merchandice that had entered into a business agreement to sacrifice my body to maintain the vanity of another.
"Sign here to objectify your body to morning sickness, swollen ankles, stretch marks and additional fat by measurement of pounds in order to maintain the pristine condition of the new model of beverly hills 90210 trophy wife figure"
X_______________________________________________________________________
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Permalink Reply by Jenn on
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Again, I wouldn't be tottally against it. I would have to feel a deep, deep connection to IM and feel that she were not shallow. Perhaps there are needs for Social Surrogacy....
If the IM is a high paid model who would lose her career from becoming pregnant or, as someone else pointed out, IM worked around chemicals that could affect the baby (although I don't see why her employers would allow her to work in another department for the short 9 months)
If, however, it were what I deem to be the worst case scenario I wouldn't do it. What would I consider to be the worst case scenario? A stay at home trophy wife whose husband makes 6 figures a year who spends her days on the tread mill in the morning and botox injections in the evening and would treat a surrogate as a lesser human being with the equivalent of a whipping boy from the dark ages to birth her child.
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Permalink Reply by Dana on -
I just went to this site. I was thinking this was an actual agency doing this. But from what I was directed to, it looked like it was just an article written to get people's opinions on this sort of surrogacy set up. Am I missing something?
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Permalink Reply by Ivory on -
The whole site confused the hell out of me...I don't believe an actual agency is responsible, but it is a site that could definately connect people with agencies. Nonetheless, it is a site that provides a lot of information and ideas about alternative methods of becoming a parent, and I still find it disturbing. I compare it to me posting something like that on the front page of surrogatemother.com...I'm not representing an agency, but I may be the first contact you have with the surrogacy community/resources. You can write comments on many of the pages on that site, but I think it is just for the editors to know what readers are enjoying/not enjoying.
Sorry if I was misleading at all in my initial post.
Thanks for your post!
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Permalink Reply by Ivory on
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A lot of good discussion going on...sidetracked at moments, but generally really good posts.
I am relieved to hear that I'm not just "old fashioned," and that this advertisement in question is tacky to most of you all, too. I am on the same page as several of you who are cool with consenting adults engaging in social surrogacy (though personally I don't like some versions of it like for stretch mark phobias), however, must surrogate mothers be advertised as a product? Too far in my opinion.
In regards to ethical advertising concerns with "commercial surrogacy," I personally believe that even when an institution (or part/s of one) has a commercial component, ethics are still important and can apply. For instance, I have a private practice which is essentially commercial (I do therapy for a profit), but my services are intimate in nature (as is surrogacy) and I find it to be my responsibility to choose how I advertise very carefully. I do some advertising, but I do so in a socially and ethically responsible way. I lay out what my services are and leave it up to the consumer to decide if my services fit his or her needs. I have seen ridiculous advertisements for therapy and the like as well which unethically promise cures and offer that therapy is more of a "thing" that you can just buy instead of a process and service. I am comfortable that I have ethically sound advertising, and I know that surrogacy-related businesses can do so as well...I've seen it done. Hopefully, any person who is serious about becoming a parent would not be won over by getting a "deal" on a baby.
Can't wait to see what else you have to say, and PLEASE keep bickering to a minimum so we can continue this great discussion :)
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